Product & Startup Builder

Being Right vs. Being Effective

Added on by Chris Saad.

The problem with most of the advice your friends give you is that they put themselves in your shoes instead of the shoes of the person you're having some issues with. The advice often tends to be "yeah you're so right" instead of "well actually, from their POV you're making these 2 mistakes".

One must take responsibility for their part of the friction in a relationship or in their lives because being "right" doesn't help you, being *effective* at interpreting and interacting with the world does. 

The only constant across every interaction you have is you. The only variable in a given situation you can change is yourself. If you're facing the same patterns over and over again then you need to change yourself.

Added to my Actuality Doc

 

On Power and Wisdom

Added on by Chris Saad.

You can't fight fire with fire. You can't destroy ideologies of hate with hate. You can't be the moral and military leaders of the world without living up to your own ideals.

Strength isn't destroying things, but rather knowing you can destroy them and restraining yourself in the interests of humanity and conscience. Wisdom is understanding and taking concrete ownership of your own complicity in the events around you.

Some thoughts on Anxiety

Added on by Chris Saad.

I was recently asked if I thought depression and anxiety are common and increasing. My 'off the top of my head' answer was:

I think they are common. It certainly feels like they have become MORE common - but that just might be because more people talk about them and there's less Taboo.

They're a disease of the mind just like you can get diseases of the body. Chemical, intellectual or cultural imbalances. 

As we (society overall) work our way up Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs people have more time to contemplate their own existence, less chance to exercise our Flight or Fight response in appropriate settings (e.g. running away from predators in the wild) and have access to more debilitating choices than ever before. 

Also I think that a kind of 'survivors guilt' plays a part - where we know we are so blessed to have so much opportunity and yet others have so little and/or we haven't done enough with our gifts. At least I know I do.

Boundary Conditions

Added on by Chris Saad.

Yearly reminder

Humans have an obsession with Boundary Conditions.

Hours, Days, Years, Decades, Centuries. You, Me, Us, Them. Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Atheist. Gay, Straight, Bi, Pan. USA, Germany, Russia, Australia. Atoms, Particles, People, Planets, Stars, Galaxies. Mortals, Gods. Matter, Energy. Infinity.

Last year. New Year. Next Year.

It's all the same.

On one level, we need boundaries to mark time and differentiate/individuate/relate in the world. On the other hand, they create so much unnecessary confusion, conflict and pain.

Happy new year everyone. I hope it's an amazing 365 days (or 52 weeks - whichever boundary condition you'd like to use for measurement).

 

Originally posted on Facebook

Happy new year: Boundary Conditions

Added on by Chris Saad.

Humans have an obsession with Boundary Conditions.

Hours, Days, Years, Decades, Centuries. You, Me, Us, Them. Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Atheist. Gay, Straight, Bi, Pan. USA, Germany, Russia, Australia. Atoms, Particles, People, Planets, Stars, Galaxies. Mortals, Gods. Infinity.

Last year. New Year. Next Year.

It's all the same.

On one level, we need boundaries to mark time and differentiate/individuate/relate in the world. On the other hand, they create so much unnecessary confusion, conflict and pain.

Happy new year everyone. I hope it's an amazing 365 days (or 52 weeks - whichever boundary condition you'd like to use for measurement).

My Greatest Strengths and Weaknesses

Added on by Chris Saad.

Still true?

I think/hope that one of my greatest strengths is that sometimes (not always) I am good at learning and adapting from all available information (even information that seems totally unrelated) and trying to tunnel that deep into my core patterns and beliefs. To try to break old patterns (or at least recognize them) and learn, grow, change and optimize. To resist unconsciously fighting change when I think new information 'sounds' wrong or unrelated to me. To recognize that the things I 'hate' in others are actually things I'm rejecting in myself.

I don't always succeed but sometimes I get bright shining moments where it all clicks and I feel a change.

One of my biggest weaknesses is that I compress all time in the future into the present and over compensate, over engineer and over complicate things. This also results in a great deal of anxiety. I also spend a lot of time in the past re-litigating and trying to suck the marrow out of past events to process for lessons learned (see first part of this). This also means I can often miss steps along the process which undermines the outcomes or alienates/looses touch with people along the way. In short, I don't spend enough time in the present listening to the universe in that moment.

Originally posted on Facebook

Self Confidence

Added on by Chris Saad.

[Touchy subject warning - Don't flame me]

I was recently asked by a female friend if men like "self-confident women"

Here was my off-the-top-of-my-head answer:

---

The stereotype of "Men" is that they don't like over-confident/bossy/opinionated women.

I think it's more complicated than that. There are a number of things to keep in mind.

1. Often times, men like to feel needed, protective and in control of their lives.

2. Men and women who consider themselves 'self-confident' often confuse that with being loud, confrontational and always think they're right.

3. This often works for most men because the world is full of ugly double standards and men are 'supposed' to act that way. As Sheryl Sandberg says, when a man is assertive or loud he is said to have 'leadership skills' while a woman can be called 'bossy'.

4. I don't think that being "loud, confrontational and always thinking you're right" is actually self confidence for EITHER sex, though. I think that knowing when to listen, speak softly, ask the right questions and understand your own internal strength is a true form of confidence. I find the other thing an obnoxious turn off irrespective who it's coming from.

So my answer to the question is, figure out if you are REALLY self-confident or just opinionated and not giving a man (and other people) the space to be who they need to be. Because if you have true self confidence the way I described it in point 4, I don't think most men would have a problem with that.

Originally posted on Facebook

Going Deep

Added on by Chris Saad.

More often than not, I am in the process of 'Going deep' on something that's caught my eye or piqued my interest that week/month.

This means I will watch every episode, interview, clip etc about the subject. Often times it will be TV/Movie related.

Previous subjects have been Joss Whedon, Batman, Seinfeld (The person and the show) etc.

Starting now.. David Fincher.

 

Originally posted on Facebook

Avoiding Bad Actors

Added on by Chris Saad.

My friend Nora asked how to better avoid bad actors...

My 'off the top of my head' response:

1. Pay attention to people's behavior instead of their words

2. Notice their behavior even in the smallest of things because that same pattern will usually apply to bigger things

3. Notice what they hate - they might be identifying things they hate in themselves (Sabrina adds: note what they love and laugh at in others, also revealing about what they value)

4. Avoid people who take zero responsibility for the frustrations/conflict in their life.

5. Avoid people who speak/think in absolutes

Originally posted on Facebook

Brutalized

Added on by Chris Saad.

These are a brutalized people who've been oppressed, slaughtered and dehumanized by the other side. They are lashing out with whatever they have at their disposal. Their enemy wants them eradicated off the face of the earth - wouldn't you want to defend yourself under these circumstances?

Now the question: Which side am I talking about?

Imagine better schools

Added on by Chris Saad.

Education is the silver bullet.

Imagine if schools (particularly high-schools) were oriented around self-actualization rather than information-regurgitation. Around learning how to learn vs. memorization. Around ethics, psychology and pattern recognition instead of historical facts and figures. Around the scientific process and implications rather than equations. Around lateral thinking rather than liner thinking. Around computer literacy (particularly coding) as part of general literacy.

Imagine...

A Connector

Added on by Chris Saad.

Bernadette just called me a 'Connector'

My knee-jerk reaction was this...

"I'm not a connector. It's selfish. I have more fun when my friends are around and it gives me joy to make sure we all have the best possible experience/access.

The only thing I hate more than wasted potential is resource hoarding."

 

Originally posted on Facebook

The upside of Hyper Expectations and Ambitions (HEA)

Added on by Chris Saad.

At the end of last year I wrote a post about the downside of Hyper Expectations and Ambitions (HEA). I guess living in silicon valley it’s easy to get jaded with the negative effects of our fast paced journey to change the world. It also didn't help that I hadn't had a holiday for 3 years. Since then, however, I’ve visited my hometown in Brisbane Australia for 3 weeks. The truth is they live a very different lifestyle there. The government and other institutions help provide a powerful safety net for those who are sick or unable to find work, the environment is beautiful, warm and welcoming and the people expect (or in some cases demand) less from each other. Those that stand out or show off can even be shunned (a phenomenon we call Tall Poppy Syndrome).

The result is that things there are more laid back, the lifestyle is more comfortable and people suffer the downsides of HEA far more infrequently.

This can be a very fulfilling way to live and many people there are (rightly) happy and healthy.

It was, however, a cold splash in the face having just written about the negative aspects of our Silicon Valley ambition to be confronted with the opposite. It reminded me in stark ways how different our lives are and what some of the advantages to living with HEA are.

So in counterbalance to my previous post, let me try to summarize some of the advantages of HEA.

Fulfilling your potential

If there's one thing that upsets me the most and keeps me up at night it's the concern that I or someone I know is not living up to their potential. One of my defining characteristics is a thirst (some may some lust) for the potential in things. I am far more interested in what could be than what is. A great example of this, in fact, is my very poor relationship with times, dates, orders of magnitude or 'rules'.

The great thing about HEA is that it vacuums out most of the reasons/excuses for someone to not live up to their potential. All of us here are insisting to ourselves and each other that we do the next great thing we know we can do; Or better yet, to do something that scares us.

Remove the roadblocks and put aside the excuses. We attempt to extract every last drop of potential and turn it into outcomes.

Extraordinary and Surreal Experiences

While there's great value in routine and tradition, we with HEA are far more interested in doing things that are extra ordinary. I split those two words on purpose. Things that are outside the realm of an ordinary life.

Backstage at a concern. VIP at a party. Hanging with a personal hero. Writing a line of code that affects millions of people. Writing that blog post that might influence the influencers. Living in beautiful places. Meeting with smart people. Disrupting that tired business model. Changing the way people live.

There is no patience for the mundane here. Instead there's a strong hunger and appreciation (and for me, real-time nostalgia) for doing things that are out of the ordinary.

These moments are priceless. And if you're lucky, they happen often in Silicon Valley.

Changing the World

People with HEA get to change the world. With a line of code, a great piece of UI, a new business model or a conversation with the right person.

Through our skills, ambitions, ideas and access we have the smallest possible gap between our intention and their manifestation into reality and this is not only the ultimate super power (think Neo/Matrix) it's also a precious gift. We use this super power to make a real dent in the universe (#namethatreference).

Redefining humanity

The heading here might be fairly grandiose but in many ways it's true. In San Francisco this town has thrown out most notions of 'right and wrong' and embraced philosophies that are radically different than most of the rest of the world. From Gay Rights to massive temporary communities in the desert based on the sharing economy, we are forcing open the definition of what it means to live, love and be human.

Almost every day here I have conversations that vacillate from short term tactical business concerns to wide sweeping philosophical quandaries - and back again. Relationships here are just as likely 'non traditional' (open, polly, casual, gay, bi, whatever) as they are traditional.

These are all related attempts to leave dogma in the past and explore what the future might look like.

For some of us with HEA we're not just trying to ship software or make millions of dollars, we are trying to better ourselves.

Leverage and scale.

Through all of the above, and much more, we get to live high leverage lives. In some ways our work is no harder or easier than the work of coal minors or brick layers (in other ways its obviously very different, but go with me here). We work long hours in back breaking postures and rarely see our families or have enough emotional capacity to invest in some of our relationships. We get to invest similar energy and sacrifices yet touch more lives than most and, for some, make a lasting impact. That's the gift of leverage and scale.

Conclusion

So there we have it. Like with all things there are both upsides and downsides. The trick is moderation in all things (my mother taught me that - hi mom!).

Up and to the right.