There’s been a lot of talk around me lately about judgment.
The cliche/easy answer is “I don’t like to judge”
The reality is that, as humans, we are pattern matching and judgment making machines. That’s how our brains work.
We make determinations about what‘s safe and what’s dangerous, what’s productive and what’s unproductive, who we are and who we want to spend time with. We are constantly making judgments about the world. It’s the only way we can function.
What’s dangerous and toxic about being “judgmental” is not the judgment, but rather the judgment applied without empathy, context, and perspective.
This is much, much harder than it sounds. The people you are making judgments about are the hero of their own story. They are going through an emotional journey that you can likely never understand, and are dealing with past traumas and future anxieties they can barely rationalize to themselves much less explain to you.
So for you to make high empathy and effective judgments about others is extremely difficult. This reality demands that, as you make judgments about them (and you will), you give them generous quantities of latitude and forgiveness on a regular basis. However, you ultimately will need to make judgments about whether they belong in your orbit - whether their contribution is a net benefit or net negative to your life and in the life of your family.
What’s particularly pernicious, though, is when some people pretend that they are free of judgment and use that as a cloak to suppress judgment about themselves, while they themselves are in fact judging people all the time. This is a lack of self-awareness and hypocrisy that creates a self-referential feedback loop that takes them nowhere.
Ultimately, making good, rational judgments about how to spend your time, where to invest your money, who to let into your confidence and how to answer the millions of questions and challenges that spring up in life are the difference between success (however you define it) and failure.
So don’t be afraid of judgment. Be afraid of poorly informed judgment that lacks empathy and effectiveness in the world.