Ever since about 6 years old I've had social anxiety/panic attacks.
For the longest time, it was a secret I'd only tell to very few people who knew me best. I was embarrassed by it. If I'm honest it can still be quite embarrassing.
I always thought it was a thing that was relatively unique to me because no one else had ever mentioned experiencing quite the same thing.
I've slowly come to learn that most people struggle with a wide range of mental health issues but they don't talk about it because of the taboo.
So over the years I've decided to be more open about it hoping that it might help others who experience the same thing to feel more comfortable and less isolated.
That being said, I've never really gone into too much detail about exactly what I feel, why and when.
So for the sake of posterity and sharing, here are some of the key details about the things I experience. I've never really shared this kind of detail with almost anyone!
Feel free to tune out now if you want to avoid TMI.
1. Things that are outside of my comfort zone tend to directly, quickly and acutely affect my stomach/digestion.
2. Depending on my constitution on the day and the extremity of the situation it can manifest on a spectrum from mild nausea all the way to an immediate need to vomit.
3. As my comfort zone grows through experience and confidence the type of activities that make me feel this way become fewer and more extreme. For example, in the beginning (around 6 years old), I'd have anxiety or panic attacks simply going to school in the morning or hanging out with friends at the mall. As that got better, it became talking to clients on the phone. Then in person. Then it became about presentations. Then only important presentations and so on.
4. These days it's mainly become something that is limited to speaking in front of groups where I'm the pre-announced presenter (5+ people) or tests/exams/key make-or-break meetings. Basically think of Richard from HBO's Silicon Valley. Let's just say I can relate to that guy in a lot of ways 🙂
5. My comfort zone can contract if I don't continue to do things at the edges.
6. While the initial feeling might be something I can breathe through to make it subside, the resulting effect on my stomach is a lot like rapid onset food-poisoning. Once it happens, there's really very little that can be done except to wait for the poisoning and nausea to pass (either by itself with time or with more direct means - TMI! haha)
7. Although I've developed a number of hacks to deal with it, it's not really something that any drugs or techniques have had a substantial positive impact on.
8. This seems to be a hereditary thing that many of the males in my family across multiple generations suffer from. If I had not lived my life in a 'commit now and then figure out how' kind of mode, I probably would not have left home - much less my home town. It's made every single step that much harder to do.