Product & Startup Builder

How To Treat People During Good & Tough Times

Added on by Chris Saad.

Lately I've been asked about, 'tested' and confronted in the area of maintaining perspective and how to treat people during good times and tough times.

I have some very specific thoughts and patterns I try to follow in these areas:

1. Sharing

Something that has surprised (and even confused) some people is how I share my stuff.

More than once I've had to explain that I consider all of my stuff (little things or nice big luxury things) to be essentially shared property. Sure I have veto rights and right of first refusal - but if I'm not using it, and if someone close to me can get pleasure/utility from it, then I try to make it abundantly clear that they should treat it like it's theirs.

I don't really understand any other approach?

By treating my stuff (it's just stuff) and the people in my life this way - not only do I get to have nice or useful things - I also get the added benefit of others in my life having those things too. It's like I bought it 2 or 3 times! Bonus!

Some people have read this sharing behavior as somehow showing off. To them, I say, you don't know me well enough or I don't like your perspective on the world. I tend to distance myself from those people.

2. Passive Aggressive or Pretend Ignorance behavior

In my mind there are 3 ways to deal with uncomfortable situations or situations where you're unhappy with what's going on...

a) Decide it doesn't matter

b) Put up and shut up (not ideal)

c) Express your personal truth clearly and with empathy, and work to understand the truth from the other party

I truly find it ineffective and frustrating when people half say what they mean - especially with a smile on their face.

It makes them appear rude, it confuses and/or embarrasses the other person, and it rarely remedies the real issue - or if it does, it takes a few tries to figure out what the heck is going on.

3. Getting angry

From small things to large, I've been told that people are surprised I'm not getting angry.

For me anger is pretty much reserved for basically 3 things

a) Injustice

b) Willful ignorance

c) Stupid rules/bureaucracy that are getting in the way of common sense (see point a)

Otherwise I find expressing anger does absolutely nothing useful.

For me, it's more than this, though. I don't really FEEL angry in the first place. I'm not suppressing it. I'm just keeping everything in perspective.

I find that most of the circumstances that might typically elicit expressions of anger from people also typically involve someone(s) who are...

a) Trying their best/don't know better

b) Not the cause of the issue - just an agent trying to help

c) Innocent (Didn't mean whatever they did to you)

d) Sharing the responsibility with you

It's also very likely that whatever is going on pales in comparison to how badly it could have gone or how bad other people in the world have it. If you're reading this you are likely in a very privileged position in life compared to most of the other people in the world.

Further, getting angry makes the problem much, much worse. If you're expressing emotional outburst of anger, you're only compounding an existing sub-optimal situation with emotional pain for yourself and the people around you. You're making it 2 or 3x worse!

--

I'd love to hear your thoughts on how you deal with perspective and people. Do you get angry? Do you share your stuff like it's shared property? Am I missing something?

Originally posted on Facebook